Alarming Recently Issued Patent: “Security underwear device for sexual organs”

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Accessible here. The abstract says:

Security underwear is a protective cover for female genital and anal opening against illicit sex and risk of contracting venereal diseases. It is made up of a unit for the genital which has an opening for urine passage and another unit for anal opening which allows free passage of stool. The cover for the genital is further composed of urine receiving channel and flaps to cover the said opening. The cover for anal opening has a lid which is hinged to a frame around anal opening which is in turn fastened to the back side portion of the belt. The two units are connected at the crotch. The channel, the flap and the lid, each opens and closes on its own by spring action. This enables the wearer to urinate and pass stool without taking off the protective covers. The unit for the genital can be worn either in combination with the anal cover or without it. In deployment the unit for genital cover is fastened by a strap to the front portion of the belt. All components of the device are made of materials very hard to cut or break. Padding is used to make the protective cover comfortable to wear.

Here is one of the associative drawings:

Via here. Ugh. How about someone invents and patents a scary, physically intrusive device that keeps men’s gonads away from women.

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