My Dean: “Would you like to attend an alumni event in [large city] with me, on [date in the future]?”
Me: “Would I have to act all charming, and crap?”
My Dean: “Now that I think about it, I’m not sure there is an extra seat available on the University plane that day.”
NB: I actually probably will attend this event, if the Dean and I can reach some agreement on the terms and conditions under which I am allowed to cuss at the alumni. I think the gifting of a large check would be cause for a string of happy swear words, but he seems a little uncomfortable with that idea.